Right so here goes my first ever blog type thingy:

We all set off early (4am) on Monday morning, we being: myself, Ian, Anson, Jarred and Joely (Anson’s 16 year old daughter). The gang arrived In Phnom Phen after, what has to be said a very enjoyable…yes that’s right enjoyable…smooth, non-traumatic flight. The first thing that hit me was the blinking hotness. Yes Singapore is hot but this was different man! Then the second thing that hit me (almost literally) was the traffic and lack of road markings! “No road markings here Rach” Ian tells me with a big stupid grin on his face…Jeez wept man, I was in bits but was doing my best Oscar winning performance of being dead calm so as not to freak out the other gang members.

No time to drop our bags off at the hotel, straight to CSC (Children’s Surgical Centre not the other CSC which I am, it has to be said, really rather experienced in). I was anticipating lots of open space and a rather large hospital but no…Busy, busy, boy was it busy. I thought all these people are never going to be seen in one day but Ian assured me they would be – impressive!

We were greeted by Dr Jim, me all mucker from Boro – so of course we hit it off straight away. Let me describe Dr Jim in one word… Santa, yep that pretty much sums his look up. Brilliant white hair and a lovely little white beard to boot..I always knew Santa was from M’boro. Dr Jim told us a little about the hospital and explained what we’d be doing that morning…operating room – okay then. I have at this point just recovered from the argghhness of a) a flight and b) lack of road markings, hey OR nee bother.

We were told to put on our surgical scrubs. Mine were obviously made for my father as I could have fitted into them 17 times. So I get changed, envisaging a Greys Anatomy Merideth moment of loveliness but alas don’t think I’ll be getting the call from Hollywood anytime soon.

We walk into the OR, actually Ian gave me a little shove, and I cannot believe that there are 3 operations are going on at once in the same room…Surgeons all smiling and happy, everyone was so relaxed (except me, Anson, Jarred and Joely). We read the white board with the list of surgeries that day…broken bones, cleft lip, eye surgery and some other thing that I can’t spell but it’s when your brain starts to fall through your nose ( I am not joking).

I knew where I was heading when I spotted the tiny baby on the bed. 9 month old baby boy with a cleft lip and palate…I was mesmerised, I stood and stood and watched in awe as the 2 surgeons marked, sliced and sewed this little boy’s lip to perfection. Masters at their work, it was truly wonderful to see and they didn’t seem to mind me sticking my head right in and asking questions. I could not wait to see the boy the next day when he was awake.

We had a walk around the ward and post recovery room, everyone being well cared for and looked after..everyone living and surviving what ever it was that brought them to CSC.

After lunch at Dr Jim’s house (which was fried rice, phew that’s okay..well it was til I say the prawn) we went to CASC: Cambodia’s Acid Survivor Centre. This is where Acid victims are treated and looked after til they are well enough to go home.

I had a long time to think about what I was going to see at CASC as the 10 minute car ride (reassuring told by Ian) with no road markings was infact 40 friggin minutes! I was really excited to go to CASC and I knew I’d get a chance to chat to the kids (note to self: bring books for the kids next time). We had a look around the outside of CASC first. We saw the newly build homes for the survivors, awesome wooden houses on stilts. We saw the vegetable garden, where the survivors are taught how to farm to give them this skill for when they go back out to work. It was explained to us that the survivors struggle to go back to their original jobs because of the scarring that is left after the acid attack.

We met the acid survivors inside the house, each with their own heart-wrenching story. Brave, brave, brave…The ladies at CASC proudly showed us their wares…they make purses, handbags, table mats etc; another skill for them and a way of making money. I got a chance to have a cuddle and a chat with some of the wee bairns. My new BFF is a little girl with the biggest smile in the world, we had a good old chat…my hair was a huge fascination for her.

A fabulous BBQ at Dr Jim’s house on the evening, house filled with an array of vibrant and interesting people…

My 2 best experiences thus far: cleft lip baby and my BFF – wonderful. My 2 least favourite experiences thus far: no road markings and Ian’s ‘quite handy with the truth time allowance.

Day 2: On our way by 7.45am and straight into a ward round. We walked round the ward and Dr Jim explained about every single patient, what their condition was and what was their treatment plan for the future. Sitting on the bed with his mother was my baby boy, the 9 month old who had the cleft lip operation. Straight over I go and am greeted with the biggest smile ever…awhhh, I could have put him in a little sandwich ate him up.

Back into the OR. We watched 2 bone operations lasting a total of 2 hours. First a guy having screws taken out of his leg. Slice leg open, locate screws, pull out, stitch up – jobs a good un. Operation #2 is a snapped femur. So I’m thinking (coz I’ve seen it on the tele and I’m handling the OR room like a natural) it’s going to be all gentle and lovely but good god then they brought out the hammer…Bob the Builder goes OR, the pulling and the hammering and the screwing, oh boy. An hour later, rod inserted, femur fixed, wound stitched…am still thinking about the hammer!

After lunch we go off to S21…and that’s where I need to stop because I just can’t quite go there! Anyone who has been will know what I mean.

2 best experiences of day 2: best boy’s lovely smile and a a fixed femur. 2 least favorite experiences of today: hammering and hammering.

So that’s pretty much the end of my visit to Cambodia but I hope it won’t be my last. CSC and CASC I thank you, thank you for taking me in, talking me through it and being gentle with me. I doubt my world will ever be the same!

I’m writing this straight after a group sparring session…….currently I am sitting on the couch typing with one finger and giggling at Glee on TV, whilst constantly flicking over to the WWE Wrestling where Jerry Springer and a dwarf are arguing over who impregnated one of the female wrestlers………..in summary there is a 99% chance I am concussed.

Quote of the Week:

“Look we really do hope you win because you have worked really hard……..but gee, we would get a lot more mileage out of this if you get beaten” – The Clearance King

Question From Readers

Do you know who you are going to fight yet? – And I get this from everybody, everyday

Below is what I wrote in week 2 and saved as a draft

The questions I get asked most when people find out I am in training for the WCB is “do you know who you are going to fight yet?” I honestly expected to be thinking about this more than I am (truth be told I spend far more time thinking about potential fight nicknames and entrance music)………. In real life I am a constant worrier and a massive over-thinker / over analyser……….i really expected this to be on my mind kinda constantly. So far (and we are only 1 week into this thing so let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves here) I am concentrating on trying to enjoy the experience and enjoy the 12 week journey (Lakers Coach Phil Jackson would be proud…….The journey is it’s own reward), just getting as fit and prepared as I can be and treating this like my only / last fight (this is not too much of a stretch as I’m not sure there is much of a career for a 30++ year old guy who has never fought before and never even laced on a glove until last year). Focusing on the journey is easier when there are maybe 7 other guys roughly in my weight range so I couldn’t work out who I am going to fight even if I tried. Although it will no doubt add to my neurotic breakdowns as I obsess about my potential opponent around week 10 when Phil Jackson’s Zen philosophy will be well and truly out the window and I am popping valium’s like Pez.

Fast forward to today………Week 10???? That now seems very aspirational. I think it’s fair to say we entered the “Lloyd Braun – Serenity Now” Stage around Week 5 and it’s continuing full steam ahead. I now have 7 different Pez dispensers including a cool Yoda one, plus a nasty valium addiction………but on the plus side I’m brown (well I will be in a few days after rubbing aloe vera all over myself) and can see my abs………that’s a fair trade for your sanity right?

What’s been the cause you ask?

Let’s get right to the Naming of Names:

Thomas L Greer – AKA Tommy Gun

Everyone who talks to me seems to think Thomas and I face a date with destiny on April 10th. This is pretty hard to get my head around for a few reasons. Firstly, we started training together last year, have spent a lot of time together and even share a cab to training together (plus I keep quiet on his juicing). In summary we are mates and the idea of fighting your mate is tough………especially if he hasn’t burned you with popcorn. The other issue is Thomas’ “alleged” alter ego……….Tommy Gunn – Porn Star. Now I have nothing against porn stars, I spend a good portion of my waking hours watching and admiring their work………its just a little disconcerting to be potentially fighting one………especially one who probably is on the juice (but you didn’t hear that from me). Snelly Balboa was the first to raise the possibility that Thomas was in fact a famous porn star. Just between us, I have watched a lot of porn and at one stage during my 2.5 year “Home Consulting” gig I was watching porn at a faster rate than they were making it. The “Porn Shortfall Crisis” as it became known was a “contributing” factor to me going back to work at a real office job. Now to be fair I’m not watching all of these movies, but rather a series of 15 second snippets, but on the basis of mathematical probability if Thomas was a famous porn star then there is a 99.7% chance I would have run across him.

Porn star or not, Thomas is keeping me awake at night………and I know Big Brucey will love that line as he likes to think of us as a gay couple (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

The Catch up:

This entry actually started out as week 4, then week 4 slipped by, then it was going to be the Chinese New Year addition and that got away from me, so lets just call it the catch up edition (or alternatively The I have run out of creative ideas edition)………and instead of focusing on training, we will delve into all the hoopla and professional production values that make Vanda’s White Collar Boxing events the spectacular successes that they are:

• Professional Camera Crews
• Interviews
• Topless Fight Promo Photo’s
• Fight Nicknames
• Entrance Theme Songs

Filming & Interviews:

We have had a big few weeks at training, sparring has started and we have done some video work, interviews and topless photos (before I got the burn / tan……doh!). Having done some previous commercial TV work I expected my experience to help me fly through the interviews and the photo shoots…………unfortunately my interview looked and sounded similar to when I was16 and fumbling around with a bra for the first time………nervous, overexcited and it was over very quickly and for the other party it was extremely disappointing.

Actually looking back at my previous commercial experience, it consisted of a starring role in a commercial that was shot during lunch hour at Raffles Place that had me wandering around in an ill fitting suit and trying to look serene whilst performing yoga poses. Considering I had been away the previous weekend playing footy and celebrating a Wombats Asian Champs victory I arrived to the shoot with approx 2 hours sleep, injured from the weekend and in what some would call a “tired and emotional state”. Things went from bad to worse when the fitted suit didn’t fit and due to a combination of my “tired and emotional” state, injuries and very limited flexibility, I was unable to perform any of the required yoga moves. So basically the shoot took 4 times as long as budgeted and they got none of the shots they needed, although I do remember the director yelling “maybe if we get him some looser pants he will be able to get his leg up”. Somehow this actually appeared on commercial TV and somehow the cheque I received even cashed. For some reason, and I’m not sure why I never heard back from that talent agency.

Using the logic that past performance is the best predictor of future performance I am not really sure why I was confident in the first place…….or why I feel confident with bra’s……..let’s just stop talking now and god help me next week when I have to do some 1 on 1 vision.

Questions from Readers:

Is it wrong to tan up before the Weigh In event at Harrys at Dempsey Hill on March 30th? –  Clint from Vanda Boxing

Good question! In our house (currently inhabited by 4 single guys……think Entourage with me as Johnny Drama only with more clothes on the floor) this topic would fit under the umbrella heading of “Vaining Up”. Vaining Up covers all areas from tanning, body waxing, veeting, nairing, eyebrow plucking and abs and guns (please note in Kenno’s case it excludes all of the above except guns). Now to the untrained eye this may not look important in the White Collar Boxing arena, but as Wombat legend The Great White used to say “If you cant be good, then look good son” (note that he would call anybody son regardless of age but that’s not important right now). Considering you wear long shorts, singlet and head gear, how important can vaining up be you ask…………well there are those massive topless fight posters like these:

…..plus the weigh in event with thousands of topless photos floating around Facebook:

So in a nutshell, yes, its very important……….especially when you are scouring the place for midgets and hot women………….I’ll take all the help I can get thank you very much. In other news there are still seats available in my cheering section for hot women and midgets.

Having not really had my shirt off in public for 20 years I enlisted a “browning consultant”, if you are looking for him on fight night he is the orange colored gentleman in my cheering section. Now as most professionals who deal with consultants on a daily basis come to learn, these consultant interactions usually end up as an unsatisfactory experience (some might even say displeasing). The best piece of advice I received was “play with your penis in the tanning bed so it tans evenly”………Really???? So it’s no surprise that I am writing this with nasty sunburn and let’s just not discuss it any more.

Choice of entrance music:

I wanted a song that I would still be happy with in 10 years when I put the DVD on to show people (that’s assuming that I manage a win…….if I lose I will be making a concerted effort to ensure no footage from the event ever sees the cold hard light of day………You think Tiger Woods carefully manages his image……look out!!!!). I wanted a song from a band I liked, that had some kind of lyrical link to the event and spent roughly 400 hours trying to find something I was happy with. The list got narrowed down to 2 finalists “So you want to be a champion” – Grinspoon (Kenno’s suggestion) and “The Pretender” – Foo Fighters. Well I got sidetracked doing nothing over the new year long weekend and before you knew I was getting angry emails from Andy (who’s English is much easier to understand when it is in its written form) on why I hadn’t filled in my profile (which includes the entrance song).

In a bit of a panic I played them quickly for Sue (co-worker who sits beside me). She advised that she thought the line “so you want to be a champion” was pretentious and voted for The Pretender by Foo Fighters, which I duly filled in on my profile. Later that night at home, housemate Kenno asked what song I had plumped for. He was told confidently that The Pretender was chosen and Grinspoon was eliminated because the lyric was a bit too pretentious……….to which he replied “how is that worse than calling everyone pretenders like in the Foo Fighter song”……ummm…..……look nowhere did it say you had to be smart to be a boxer.

Choice of Fight Nickname

This was a no brainer as I went with Splash (technically The Splash, but if there was ever an environment to refer to yourself in the third person then boxing is it. How did The Splash come about? Well, I’m glad you asked

It was a Wombat Masters tour to Bali and I was very new to the club, some pre tour email correspondence had been whipping around the week prior about what this Clint Pemberton character should be called. I had suggested my Aussie nickname of Pembo, but that was surreptitiously shot down. A few other names (Crackers & C&^t) where floated but sage advice from Wombat veteran Willo, advised that nicknames were earned not given. Long story short, actually that’s I lie I am going to indulge myself here, not so far as to mention Kardinia Park or the empty feeling a draw leaves, but self indulgent nonetheless. It’s Friday night and the boys have indulged in more than a few beers in the airport lounge and on the plane, then a few more at the beautiful Villas we are staying at. We came to the formal part of the evening the Jumper Presentation, which is where the coach says some nice things about you and presents you with your jumper for the year. It came to my turn and Coach Loutopia was mentioning that he hoped I could do something over the course of the weekend to get a nickname and called me up to collect my jumper. I was a fair way back from the makeshift stage area of the villas and somewhat “tired and emotional” and as I walked up to get my jumper I came to a large fish pond and that had some lily pads floating on it. Now for some reason I thought these lily pads where stepping stones (hey, we have already covered that I’m not very smart) and tried to walk across them. “Splash” as I disappeared into the 4ft deep fish pond as everyone was watching me walk up to accept the jumper. The boys all thought this was hilarious and Splash was born. I never thought it would stick but even know on some group emails I get the “who is Clint Pemberton?”

Airing of Grievances:

We couldn’t go without an airing.

• Wednesday night training conflicts with American Idol viewing…………and I’m dead serious
• The email said videotaping and interviews…….NOT topless photos

• • Can I get copies of these before they go out?
  • Does anyone know how to photoshop a six pack?
  • Or photoshop a tan?

• The production throughput rate of the porn industry
• Getting punched in the face
• Lack of Chicken Tikka options at Havelock Rd gym

• • Oh Curry Garden at Turf City – I miss you

• Sunburned genitalia

• Running out of pre written blog material
• Getting up at 6.30am on Saturday morning for training and your housemates are just arriving home
• Ally Loney mistaping sparring videos (although to be fair he did cop an accidental kick in the head so this is probably a wash)
• Bergs March Burger of the month (more on this to come)
• Potential cross pollination of Work tables and Wombat tables at the April 10^th event – They’re killing independent George

• Lack of steroid / HGH testing in White Collar Boxing (I’m just saying……..)

Thomas in Jan 2010 Thomas Today

Things We’ve Learned:

• You know you are getting too vain when you walk out of my housemate’s empty room with no top on late one night (I don’t have a mirror in my room) and your other housemate wanders by and asks what you are doing. When I replied “checking myself out in the mirror” he just shrugged and nodded, seen it all before………..maybe time to back off a little (or get my own mirror)
• Don’t commit to a 12 week blog when you only have 4 weeks worth of material